The Genesis of a season of solitude

Since I’ve come to school, I’ve had a four-month relationship begin and end. That was the longest relationship I had been in to this point. I enjoyed the times that I shared with her, but ultimately, our relationship wasn’t really what a Christ-Centered relationship looks like.

To clarify, I hold no personal resentment towards her. She is a nice girl, and I wish her the best moving forward. However, looking back on things now, I’m pretty glad that she broke up with me, because ultimately, I had on blinders that were restricting me from getting to where God wants me to be, as far as relationships go. This was a result of a multitude of reasons.

To start, I was too forthcoming. I have a self-destructive tendency to look too much into relationships early on in the past, and it ultimately complicates things. Furthermore, I was looking for fulfillment in quick ‘hook-up’ type relationships instead of God- something that ultimately is just never a good idea. I loved the intimacy, the time shared, and the attention that a girlfriend provided. I was in it for the wrong reasons.

On Valentine’s Day, I attended the weekly Mizzou Chi Alpha worship service, where our ministry’s lead pastor, Tom Trask, and his wife Missy, were speaking. The two have been married 14 years and gave extremely solid advice on what a Godly relationship.

These were my biggest takeaways, that have totally redirected my dating pursuit:

-Marry someone who loves you, but sees who God wants you to be, and wants to help you get there.

-Ask questions. Are they active in their faith and pursuing Jesus? Will they challenge me to grow closer in my walk with the LORD? (Non-negotiable) Do they love Jesus more than you? If not, this is not a relationship I need to pursue.

-Ultimately, waiting is key. Ditch the ‘hookup-instant gratification’ mindset a gear yourself more towards waiting for the woman God wants me to be with.

-Focus on BEING ‘the one’ instead of LOOKING for ‘the one.’

Really, once I heard that message, I made a big change in my thinking. Instead of looking for a girl to be with for a quick flame, I should be in the mindset of looking for my wife.

This is difficult to do. Girls in college are SERIOUSLY attractive, especially at Mizzou. But the promise of a devoted wife and a fulfilling marriage is far more beneficial than any hookup could be in my eyes. And with God on my side, seeking his will and kingdom, nothing can oppose me.

So now, I move into a season of singleness, with a positive and humble attitude. God wants for a very few of his servants a life of solitude, but he often calls his followers to a season of singleness. I now enter into one of those, excited for the prospect of what God could bring one day. His will is great and ultimately worth trusting.


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